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Cassiopeium

Nous sommes condamnés à être libre

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Protected: 关于写作提高的几点

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posted by Cassiopeium at 7:39 am  

Saturday, May 27, 2006

暑假读书计划/ Summer Reading Plan (添加中)

如不读书,谈何文采飞扬,笔下若有神?
我本不是不读书的人,但现时今日较之早年,也大多荒废掉了.

现列出夏日三月里需读的书来,
很显然,这个庞大的读书计划在这个繁忙的夏天是很难完成的. 我将在今后的日子里继续阅读这些书籍,尽量做到认真通读每一本,并同时记录札记.直至完成.

(排序不分先后,收藏电子书为主)
 
中文
 
[中国现当代小说/文集]
以下包括部分选读
 
矛盾文学奖获奖作品集 (包括作家路遥,王安记忆,贾平凹等; 作品 <穆斯林的葬礼><平凡的世界>等
 
路遥小说选 ( <人生> <平凡的世界>随笔等)
 
沈从文文集 (<边城>等)
 
王小波小说集, 杂文选(<时代三步曲> 等>)
 
柏杨文集 (包括<丑陋的中国人>等)
 
张爱玲作品集 (短篇,<倾城之恋>等)
 
钱钟书,杨绛文集 (<干校六纪>等)
 
李敖文集(<北京法源寺>等) , 刘墉文集
 
林语堂文集
 
高行健作品集 (<灵山><一个人的圣经>等)
 
梁实秋文集 (<雅舍菁华>等)
 
余华作品集
 
余秋雨文集
 
巴金文集, 矛盾文集
 
阿城文集 (<棋王>等)
 
部分网络小说集 (<安妮宝贝文集>等等)
 
[中国古代文学]
 
<二十五史> (选读)
 
<四书五经> (选读)
 
<中国古代散文选>
 
[外国名著小说/文集]
 
<静静的顿河>
 
<追忆似水年华> –普鲁斯特
 
卡夫卡作品集 (<变形记>等)
 
<百年孤独>
 
<荆棘鸟>
 
陀思妥耶夫斯基作品选 (<罪与罚> 等)
 
泰戈尔文集
 
屠格涅夫作品集
 
契诃夫作品集
 
巴尔扎克 (<幽谷百合><幻灭>等)
 
梅特林克<青鸟>
 
<在路上><垮掉一代> –凯鲁亚克 (Or in English)
—–
 
村上春树作品集 (<挪窝的森林> 等)
 
川端康成作品集 (<雪国>等)
 
三岛由纪夫小说选
 
[文史/哲学]
 
<二十五史> (选读)
 
<百家讲坛>系列 (易中天等著)
 
<中国历代通俗演义> 蔡东帆著
 
<正说>系列 (包括<正说唐朝二十一帝>等)
 
<天可汗时代>等
 
赫连勃勃大王作品 (<华丽血时代>等)
 
<中国当代文学史>等
 
<剑桥中国史> (选读)
 
<中国哲学简史>冯有兰 著
—-
梦的解析
佛洛伊德选集
尼采选集 ( <悲剧的诞生> 等)
海德格尔<存在与时间>
亚当斯密<国富论>
叔本华选集
笛卡儿选集(<方法导论><第一哲学沉思>等)
罗素选集
黑格尔选集
康德选集
<西方哲学史> 等
 
English Reading
 
Novels/ Literary Works:
 
1984 by George Orwell (Required Summer Reading)
 
The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera
 
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley (Required Summer Reading)
 
The Sound and The Fury by William Faulkner
 
Works of Albert Camus (The Fall, The Plague, etc)
 
Atlas Shrugged
 
History/ Philosophy Works:
 
Plato (The Law, The Republic, etc)
 
Being and Nothingness by Jean Paul Sartre
 
Time and Being by Heldegel
Metaphysics by Aristotle (If available)
—–
Acing the College Application by m. A. Hernandez
 
Admissions Confidential by R. Toor
 
My Freshman Year by R. Nathan

posted by Cassiopeium at 7:13 am  

Friday, May 19, 2006

   

倘若现实能够从幻像开始
玻璃就是唯一的风景
门开着水银的瀑布声
白昼弯曲后
与黑夜结盟的另一个白昼
从睫毛开始月下
鹅卵石有淡黄的借据般的光泽

房间里的房间
拍卖无声进行
眼睛和半身像交换刻毒的愿望
蚂蚁爬过嘴角细碎的皱纹
野草横生
为皮肤和泥土深处那同一副枯骨
追逐像准备冬眠的蛇
血是萧瑟的红叶林
每照亮一次就死亡一次

玻璃的沼泽水银的稍纵即逝的飞鸟;
俯身之际脸僵硬成石
岁月布下迷宫让自己失传

我们在地平线下漂流
圆睁开眼
如鱼的四肢互相纠缠
穿过桥洞世界高悬在头上
谁窥见自己
谁就得悲惨地诞生
 

—杨炼

很显然,上帝造人的初时,虽给了我们如他那样的躯体,但其给予的保佑,却远不及他同时赐予的那万分之一的智慧.

或许这样是对人类一种特殊的考验. 往往大众眼中,外表的光芒会掩盖内在蕴含的智慧.

而拥有大智慧者,却不屑与任何崇尚外表肤浅之美的泛泛之辈一争高下.

若有朝一日能免此俗, 方为拥有大智慧.

—-即使与上苍神明相比,仍为无知.

80年代,曾经是朦胧诗人的年代,尽管他们都死了,肉体上与心灵上的死亡使他们相继隐匿.

但时间见证了他们的存在. 而此,是中国当代文坛所仅有的骄傲之一.

从小住在铁路旁的爷爷家,爷爷是一辈子献给了铁路的人.那时总是拉紧爷爷粗糙有力的手,在斜阳西沉时去平房后看火车,一排排的铁轨,不同于那穿行于山中的孤独的两条,而更像一把洒落了的挂面,一条搭在另一条之上. 各式各样的火车,都缓缓驶过,不时鸣笛. 没有蒸气与巨大轮盘的内燃机,少了火车特有的魅力, 然而轨道旁被遗弃的加水台,仍见证着这里曾经跑过千百辆浑身煤黑,大吐烟雾的车头.

现在,离家不远就是铁路.自知道海子是在山海关卧轨后,铁轨对我就赋予了一层新的意义. 每当夜深人静,汽笛鸣起,有车头轰隆隆驶近时, 就不禁想到. 那年在山海关,那日天色阴郁, 海子正孤卧于两条平行的金属之上,双眼禁闭.他的躯体与夜色下闪亮的铁轨垂直交叉着,那样子像一条头尾无限延展的十字架.他的身躯微微颤抖着,也或许他只是静静地等待着. 他或许在大声朗诵着自己不久前写下的<春天,十个海子>,也或许,他仅仅用力咬起双唇,沉默不语. 让驶近的钢铁巨兽决定他的生死,他的命运.

汽笛再次响起.车轮滑过, 一个完整的躯体被撕开,血肉与碎布飞扬在夜空中, 而残留的, 完整的,

是海子那无比高大的精神,永存于他诗篇的每一个字符中.

posted by Cassiopeium at 1:12 am  

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

白桦林

白桦林
静静的村庄飘着白的雪
阴霾的天空下鸽子飞翔
白桦树刻着那两个名字
他们发誓相爱用尽这一生
有一天战火烧到了家乡
小伙子拿起枪奔赴边疆
心上人你不要为我担心
等着我回来在那片白桦林
天空依然阴霾
依然有鸽子在飞翔
谁来证明那些没有墓碑的爱情和生命
雪依然在下那村庄依然安祥
年轻的人们消逝在白桦林
噩耗声传来在那个午后
心上人已战死在远方沙场
她默默来到那片白桦林
望眼欲穿的每天守在那里
她说他只是迷失在远方
他一定会来来这片白桦林
长长的路呀就要到尽头
那姑娘已经是白发苍苍
她时常听他在枕边呼唤
来吧亲爱的来这片白桦林
在死的时候她喃喃地说
我来了等着我在那片白桦林…
–朴树《白桦林》
我第一次看到她时,我们在京城某不知名的酒店礼堂内。她身着一袭白色连衣裙,走入镁光灯的聚集之中。她挽起身畔注视着她的Ken的手,接着,在几百双眼睛的关注下,用她那略带沙哑的歌喉,低声唱出属于她自己的那段《白桦林》,阳春白雪,久久不散。 在唱完最后一个字的那一刻,她轻轻放开Ken的手,慢步走向舞台中央,又慢慢俯身,在一片寂静中谢礼、退台。全场鸦雀无声。
我不知道我是否自那一刹那起就爱上了她,因为她在河岸边吹过徐徐微风时对我说过的话令我疑惑不已:
“小孩子不要和我谈爱情,25岁前是不会有真正的爱情的。”
那时她老练地吞吐着手中的黑壳“兰州”香烟,若无其事地凝视着烟雾从她嘴中飘出,缓缓地向上升去,紧接着突然被风带走。
可能她说的话是对的,因我至今我还不懂爱情的定义,而她,也最终没有得到自己一直怀疑的爱情。
Ken是她第三任男友,后因贩毒进了位于戈壁滩深处的少教所,从此音讯渺无。
出事的那天我接到她的电话,当我急急忙忙坐车穿越市区来到她家时,她早已在街道上等待了很久。那天金城下起了不算常见的细雨,淫雨霏霏中我看到她泪流满面,但我也不是十分肯定究竟是雨水抑或泪水。
不久后我们面对面坐在南关的一间咖啡厅里一张靠窗的桌子上,一坐就是一下午。她的食指与中指间仍夹着一直香烟。我看向她的眼睛,从中看到晶莹闪烁的东西,以及被其反射出的街景。
她突然开口问我在想什么,我有点语无伦次地说在想我们第一次相遇的情景。她笑笑说那时她是多么的不同,而现在抽烟酗酒,早已不是从前那个她,连嗓音也都不再动听了。我那时有一种冲动,想告诉她其实她仍然是很漂亮的并且拥有最迷人的气质,但最终没敢说出口。
以后的日子里,我几乎每周日都有了不变的日程:坐上三十七路公交车,穿越市区来到她家。然后我们会一起步行去市中心的广场,在那里待到午后,再一起坐车返回城市另一段我居住的大学校园。
下车后我们会继续并肩走在校园内高大的法国泡桐树下,走累了就坐在操场旁的栏杆上看大学生踢球,也会一人买一瓶汽水变喝边有一句没一句地聊天。 我们聊过很多很多,大部分时间都是我在滔滔不绝地发表演讲,而她则静静地聆听着,从来不显得厌烦。 那时我喜欢读书,总给她讲自己最近又读了什么名著,我给她复述《东周列国志》和《镜花缘》里的故事,给她背诵我最喜欢的海子写的诗,给她讲述罗素与叔本华、笛卡尔的哲学,尽管那时我根本不谙哲学的真谛,仅是照搬书中的内容,但她却总是那样认真的听着,不时微笑。
那样的日子似乎持续了很久,初中的生活很简单,而我与她每周的相见也成为了不变的循环。日子在一丝慵懒中就好像上足了发条的钟表,不停地顺时针向前。 我以为日子会就那样一直进行下去,从未考虑到离别与分散。然而,我又一次幼稚地错了。
要去美国的决定来得很突然,等我反应过来时离开的机票都已订好。我在离开前的一周才忧郁着将消息告诉她。她听过后没有说话,我不知道要怎样打破那样的沉默,只能随她一起行走在落满了柳叶的柏油路上,直到天黑。走过一家小店时她跑进去买了一扎啤酒,我们坐在入夜后无人的操场草皮上开始痛饮。我根本不是喝酒的料,很快就要不省人事。迷迷糊糊中又被她摇醒,要我背海子的诗给她。我吃力地用左手撑起自己,看着满天的星辰大声开始喊叫,背了什么我早已不记得了。隐约中她似乎也唱起了一首歌,那是我第二次听到她的歌声。唱过什么我同样无法回忆起来了,或许是那首《白桦林》,也或许不是。
后半夜的时候我被冻醒了。从地上爬起来四下望去,她早已不在。我发现手上有她写的东西,借着月光一看,是一行娟秀的字。
“去那边后好好学习,莫念。”
我东倒西歪地跑回了家,大病一场,四天后坐上了东去北京的列车。
----------
在五年后的某个深夜,当耳机中再次飘响起《白桦林》的歌声时,我想,如果不是因为搬家而和她失去联系, 如果她没有突然蒸发的话,我或许会拨通她的电话,告诉他,我很好,没有想她。
接着我会不禁回想起她和她的歌声。她一袭白色的身影在我心中久久不能挥去,在我脑海中无数次重演。到后来,一切仿佛都成为了一幅印象派的油画--在镁光灯下,她拉起自己爱人的手,注视着眼前人群,脸上洋溢着幸福,笑靥如花,没世难忘。
posted by Cassiopeium at 6:32 am  

Sunday, May 7, 2006

存在的条件

我们存在的本身对自己是荒谬且毫无意义的,一切所存在的物质的意义都由其他物质赋予.

刚看过了拍的不错的电影,韩国片<雏菊>,是由全志贤和另外两位小眼睛的韩国男演员主演.
情节大概是这样的, 女孩是居住在阿姆斯特丹的画家,她爱上了自己未曾见过的为她在乡下修起一座独木桥并悄悄送给她雏菊的男人. 后来警察出现了,他在女孩的画摊前蹲点的过程中让女孩以为他就是送花的人–所以他们相爱了. 但事实上送花的是一位杀手,他暗恋女孩却假装羞涩不敢接近她–直到他看到警察的出现. 后来女孩受伤并失声了, 警察的位置也被杀手取代,但女孩无法接受杀手–因为她心里只有那个送花的人. 杀手和女孩都很痛苦,他们在等待着. 后来警察终于出现了,再后来警察死了. 女孩仍然无法接受杀手,并误会他是杀害警察的人–直到她看到杀手摆在她面前的那幅当初她放在桥上的画. 不过一切都太迟了. 女孩当然,是死掉了,而杀手则为自己的优柔寡断痛苦一生.
女孩呢,她在死前说到…我终于找到一直就在身边的爱.

本是挺感人的故事,若我身畔有个姑娘的话,恐怕会哭个梨花带雨,或是雏菊带雨吧.
可我却认为这样的故事情节实在拙劣,令我无法忍受.

要知道,我虽是情绪化的人,也或许是多愁善感罢,但我绝对不是滥情的人. 真正感动我的书或电影,屈指可数.

对于女孩来说,虽然她一直期待的都是那送花的男人.实际却并非如此,她想要的,只是送花的记忆,的感觉,而非送过花的事实. 虽然警察没送花,但警察未否定这个事实,而她也错误地认为了,故警察对她来说,就是送花的人. 而杀手, 送过花的事实却不再存在了.

由此可得出这样的定论:

任何事物本身都的存在都没有任何意义与价值,它或他或她的意义,是被其周围的其他事物所定义的.

这实在是令我沮丧的结论,如此一来,我若没有他人的肯定与证明,便是不曾存在的了?
也既是说,若我有一天从这世上消失了,就是”唰”地一下彻底消声匿迹,而其他人并不在意,我人间蒸发后也未留下任何证据证明我的存在, 那么,我也就不曾存在过.

当然这是反逻辑的.存在,按照EMMA告诉我的,是客观的事实.

但对于任何事来讲,是其本身存在着的事实重要呢,还是其存在的意义重要? 显然是第二条. 这也就是为什么片中女孩会错误地爱上本不是给她送花的人了.

而承载这一切”意义”的东西,就是记忆了.通过记忆人才能对周围的任何事物进行定义, 虽然很频繁地会发生错误地判断.
举个例子吧,当我们并不知道某事存在时,即使它真正地存在着发生着,我们将其也会忽略不计.
而通常误解与怀疑是怎样产生的? 既对一件事存在与否的事实发生了怀疑,从而难以对其意义做出正确的定义,因此只能靠自己的臆测决定起意义–通常都是错误的推断.

若你的女朋友的确在背叛你(或她在与你进行背叛的勾当),你知道后—-更形象一些,你走进房间的时候赫然看到她与另一个人,男人,发生本该只你两人之间发生的关系. 你定会怒不可竭–通常情况下后面发生的事可以用” 情杀” 这个词定义.

对人来说,我们看到的不是世界,而是自己的记忆.

若我们失去了记忆的能力, 就如电影<记忆碎片>中男主角那样,我们的生存会陷入前所未有的混乱. 电影里的男主角失去了长期记忆的能力, 因此只能倚靠身上的纹身与随身携带的纸条提醒自己应做什么. 而他唯一的目标就是杀死谋杀自己妻子并造成自己失忆的人. 当然,最后他没有杀掉那个人–因为那人早被他杀害了. 他只是不断地为自己制造新的复仇对象, 这样他的生活才有意义.
因为对他来说,凶手永远都仍在逍遥法外.

再比如,当有人被告知自己的信被很多自己不想让看到的人看过时,非常地愤怒并感到无比羞耻,即使这件事已经过去很久. 而在被告知前,这件事对其来说,是不曾存在的.
而我自己,早就知道有人偷看着自己写的博客(当然偷窥者可以争辩博客不属于隐私),那我仍然感到愤怒么?

似乎没那么愤怒了..

若这样缥缈的记忆成为界定我们一切行为的准则,成为我们思想的承载体, 那是多么的荒谬!

对心理学不甚了解,不知道是否通过足够的心理暗示,可以给一个人注入虚构的记忆–当然这并非一件好事,发生这样的情况, 是臆想的症状.

但对我来说, 脑海中很多的构想,包括我的不曾存在的红颜志知己Tiffany,亚城灰暗的天空下无一行人的街道,等等,可以是存在的,而曾经发生过的历历在目的种种,可以是不存在的.

唯一使我迷惑的,可能就是网络中发生的种种.
若有一日她或她就那样蒸发了,而我电脑中了病毒失去一切的记忆.我可能也会随之失忆,彻底忘却她们曾经出现在我生命中的事实(如果那样可以算得话), 抑或在不能肯定她们是否在我人生的进程中登场的疑惑中久久踯躅不定.

我完全可以做出这样的决定,让自己的一切踪迹从某人生活中消失殆尽.
但我这样的行为也是建立在自己的决定之上,而决定,恰恰是我有了记忆之后思考的产物.是什么造成了这所有事件的发生?

这样一来,我现在可以问自己,
你们是否存在过呢?

不知米兰 昆德拉 书中所写的”不可承受之轻” 是否与记忆有所关联?
因它是如此的不可靠,如此的不真实,但却主宰着我们的生命.如此的沉重…………..

posted by Cassiopeium at 9:11 pm  

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