Cassiopeium

Dedicated to all the fuking shallow and soulless ones my very dearest ones for I am but amidst all of you and I seek to join your companionship one day your fuking cohort of …golems!

Alas! How hatefully horrifying is hollowing hesitance humbling my habitus…..

————————
Once I loved a girl
Like I chased my own drowning shadow

And I drank my fills
Of our simmering carnality
Digesting that angst
of youth seemingly

So the flesh could
reflect upon itself
in what mortal coils we lie
in which lies we live by

I sought but blindly
Hasty intimacy, it throttled me
with your timidity or
Was it brazen banality merely
to be blamed and understood

A Muse murdered, her throat slit
her head lowered still, fisting a hoax
the catharsis is yours
the Transylvanian dramaturgy

A confession compelled inaptly–
behest your lustful body
penetrating its Soul
a thousand Souls flow
divulge you naked despair
to strangers a sea of bodies!

Vanitas, having the time
Of my lifetime

—-TO her

–>

凌晨四点四十四分
梦魇般的思念
窒息于

玫瑰绽放凋零在温室内的年代
镜头下失焦城市天际线的诉说

Redpath图书馆午夜中戴着
蓝色耳机
暗自流泪的女孩

Côte-des-Neiges地铁站台上
短发如雪
兀自欢唱的女孩

Villa Maria药店里
手如柔荑
羞赧一笑的女孩

Lorne-Crescent街尽头处
怅然若失
法语轻扬的女孩

手机上17个匿名未接来电
她永远打不通的手机号码

每天都会在校内搜索的名字
网路另一端传来的无声啜泣

千言万语的隔阂
相对无言的无奈

街角咖啡厅外飘溢的风雅
夜店里酒精与欲望的缠绵

雨夜路面倒映朦胧的身影
相遇相忘一笑而过的忧伤

因贪恋路边风景而迷茫
且活在北美最抑郁的城

且听四月风吟

–>

“The girl of my dreams is the sweetest girl Of all the girls I know

Each sweet co-ed, like a rainbow trail Fades in the after glow

The blue of her eyes and the gold of her hair Are a blend of the western sky

And the moonlight beams On the girl of my dreams She’s the Sweetheart of Sigma Chi.”

————–

I was beat-out after Initiation. I went home, got showered, and slept. Then I woke up in tears for reasons I did not remember. It must have been the saddest dreams I’ve had in a long time. As I put on my dress shirt and suit I was taken by that sadness,  walking around and swaying almost in spite of myself, shivering and murmuring slowly as I heard something inside me just died.

Why did you not learn in the beginning? This is the most depressing city in North America.

I held my chin up against the day’s chill, my leathery soles rapping on pools of rainwater. I went there, she was already sitting in the louge.

We drank our fills of Sangria of Tequila Sunrise we eat chesses and schmoozed around shaking many hands nodding endlessly. Finally dinner began and dinner ended in picture slideshows and roasts incurring burst of laughters. We knelt before that woman and sang the above song  which she didn’t deserve.

I walked her out, kissed good night. I sat in my cab watching as the brothers and their young and beautiful dates leaving in the limo.

I went home quite happy yet more saddened by my unsophisticated happiness.

I love it here but I have to leave ASAP. I have to.

And thank you for not going with me, a night of happiness would have been much despairing.

–>

It was said that
night after night
you whispered a name
thought of a face
um um, traces
of one’s harmatia
amongst others inaptly joking

But why my dear
But life’s no bigotry
so unremittingly in vain
Plenty of novocain
like much distress you need
in such dramaturgy

Your rhetoric lackluster
a rhetorical question unanswered
You’ve espoused no tragedy
confessed no sin
professed no love no pain
Only
your chagrined carnality

Her lips burning at yours
what, my love, shall you do
“un poison dans mon cœur”

–>