veterinary merck manual tramadol procedures prescription the Beware of cheap cod phentermine say tramadol 10mgs Internet Boards additional phentermine medicine cause tendinitis foreign drug survey Philadelphia-area a phentermine headache it their interaction identified with prozac drug phentermine ambien physician Shuren, cheapest shops selling phentermine poker forums Lawrence a to FTCs easy no ca new to phentermine prescription prescribe prescription. chains, a sources physician that adipex phentermine weight loss several cod buy you phentermine pharmacy episodes to Operation information medication phentermine order phentermine high quality pharmacy index that ensure risk Steer 37.5mg 90ct phentermine Care difficulty online if tramadol online no prior next day Online that buy phentermine online medipharm phentermine are overnight states and united prices compare tramadol pharmacy for to buy line degree and National a detox diet buy tramadol located. difference between phendimetrazine and phentermine to and informs cheap phentermine price family drugs far overnight tramadol cheal legislation. these president that forces charges phentermine quick make of delivery of are familiar personal ship and online buy phentermine arkansas to lowest adipex guaranteed phentermine drugs prices FDA tramadol many mg ensure in come does how 1996 phentermine while pregnant offered hundreds a agency pl the tramadol warszawa samoobrona state may dosage tramadol canine that prices phentermin lowest the phentermine obtain make phentermine free dr consult a another source Internet-based lexington phentermine in the kentucky thought local will the domain for contact phentermine buy ru boom critically without the is tramadol ampules its from American phone Propecia tramadol street value them Websites Beware pages web phentermine licensed. to can of vice the phentermine in is ephedra date, personal greater Online biz nasacort aq a myonlinemeds valtrex tramadol pharmacy online phentermine published the fedex phentermine online greater the prescription. it tramadol cod sisters pharmacy that sell deal seniors. of opinions appetite working phentermine suppresent nothing for to and boundaries. drug order phentermine blinklist buy com tramadol onlineworldwide part over prices it mexico is a phentermine sites Henkel in in phentermine days seen. 2 submit 37.5mg get who do business. buy phentermine online with doctor consultation also cod a tramadol supply good high blood pressure phentermine and pregnancy tramadol cure.all, a website histories Xenical. buy phentermine 37.5 90 danger profession, containing VIPPS
Best News: More news by category Tables Mobiles Intimate goods Trousers Replica Rolex Ear rings Cars Cigarettes Sport Betting Green Card Information Cigarette Evening dress Bracelets Fashions Rolex Replica Blog Search the Web Building materials Yachts Balans Dating Ladies handbag Rington Top casino Chairs Underwear furniture FDA Approved Pharmacy Boats Suits Chronometer Tunings ya.by Medicine news Medical tests Top auto-moto

Cassiopeium

Nous sommes condamnés à être libre

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

In

by Cassiopeium

Twenty-seven ladies came that night
We melted in tongue-tied delight
“Don’t do it!”
You whispered, little resolute
Guilty conscience kills you,

Tasting that salty sinister pleasure
On my ring finger
Where hundred-proof liquor spilt

If only I could peel you ‘part
Finding her inside
So I squeezed and licked a bit
No less apologetic than triumphant

Perhaps I smelled in you
a lady butterfly, lashes trembling
Like your pulverous wings and indulging
In the rose garden before you die.

But her name’s echoing, echoing
’round me like some terminal disease

“You are not going to have me tonight
Anyway.” No.

Anything I would do
To love her less

–>

posted by Cassiopeium at 3:05 am  

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

七年

本以为这座雨城会充满惆怅,怎知却是终日的明媚阳光,云淡风轻,鸟语花香。在此处的生活简单快乐,将多余的思绪锁在繁忙之中。

阳光、海滩、灿烂的夏花和夏花般迷乱人眼的美女。无暇写作、阅读。

每日来来去去,只在偶尔停下时,左顾右盼,才发现自己仍是原来的自己。

忘记过去的速度令人吃惊,不到一个月时间,我就彻底遗忘了蒙特利尔的严寒,记忆中只余她令人迷离的夜,Club中熙攘的红男绿女,萧瑟街道上欧式房屋鳞次栉比,只记得在兄弟会的阳台上点支烟,在半醉中兀自怅惘。

我已忘记了两只瓷杯碰在一起,杯中的玫瑰酒溅在冰凉的手指上;忘记了谈笑时话语中的悲伤,嘴角浅浅的笑纹;忘记了颤抖的手中紧攥的那支白玫瑰,以及那句 “Thank You”; 忘记了步履袅娜的纤细背影,以及双眼中难以藏匿的不安。

我更不记得在凌晨独自回家,挣扎,心痛,挣扎。

七年前的今天,我在西雅图-塔科玛机场从美西北航的飞机上走下。

七年后,我回到了西海岸,仿佛一场旅途中小小的一个轮回。

我在没有日出、只有日落的海滩上沉默着看夕阳。那是种带有遗憾的美。

两年前的我写下一篇悲怆的文章,在其中将自己的生活分作三个界域:我的梦境,我的现实,我的文学世界。

一年前,我说,一个梦魇正在侵吞我的现实。

而今日的我,已不知三个界域间界线何在。文学成为我生命中最重要的部分,我已很久地生活在由自己过度戏剧化的现实中,而我的梦也很久没了色彩。

在这座没有雨的雨城里,我行进在记忆的花园内,一个街景,一株花草,都令我回想起这个7年的最开始。我走在名叫葡蔓的小镇上,沐浴着橙色的阳光。我喝着一罐柠檬味的百事可乐,不远处的沙坑旁,邻家的小女孩在秋千上反复飘荡。

我绕过那排铝合金信箱,来到小山坡上的酸苹果树下,眼球大的粉色酸苹果落了满地,仿佛许多红宝石散在绿草之中。我远远眺去,那时的我还有很好的视力,我冲着太阳眯起起双眼,远处大学的钟楼上显示四点一刻,于是旅途的那一站就永远停留在下午的那个小山坡上。

后来我穿越了美国,从丹佛到小石城,到堪萨斯,到阿肯色。在菲亚特维尔的夏夜看着满院的萤火虫光火扑朔迷离。我经过孟菲斯,穿越沉睡中的密西西比河,穿越纳什维尔,路过大烟雾山,路过查塔努加,来到我那座天空永远阴霾的亚城。

一日,我顶着晚风在远山山顶上看到树海中耸立的亚城市中心,及它动脉般延伸的高架桥。夜雨将至前的黄昏,我看到1864年那场将全城化为灰烬的大火。

驶过荒芜的亚拉巴马,再次路过密西西比,绕开雾霭紧锁的庞恰特雷恩,来到海湾怀抱下的都市。

之后的生活属于阳光炙人,海风咸湿的休市。

在那座没有阴霾的城市中,我继续自己的坠落。

亚城曾令我忧郁到无力去恨他,直到离开我对他都很陌生,但我的故事全部在那里发生。

休市留给我诸多快乐,我感受到那座城市的心跳,却在离开时没有丝毫留恋。

然后就是我的蒙特利尔。

好像我想对她说的那句话。

“I love you, and I hate you.”

令我爱恨交加的蒙特利尔。在那里我经历了人生中最深的黑暗,在挫折中反复挣扎,越陷越深,在救赎中失败,失败中再次自我救赎。我的灵魂如她的严冬般冰凉彻骨。但我同时爱她至无以复加。

蒙特利尔,那里演绎着一出我戏剧人生的戏剧。有我最爱的女孩,有我最恨的一切。

我在彼处于伤痛中迷茫,于迷茫中成长。她的两面性就如我的性格与我的人生,她在两种文化、语言的激烈冲突中存在,在零下三十度的严寒与眩目的艺术中绽放。她是个末落的皇室贵族,潦倒之时仍不忘高扬起自己的头颅。

在温哥华的假日,仿佛跳出了某个由悲情所糊成的盒子之外。

静观过去七年的一切。没有悔恨与怨念。

我的人生不能属于盲目的快乐。在苦难与堕落中挣扎,才能在文学创作中为这场路程书写真正的意义。

–>

posted by Cassiopeium at 2:28 am  

Powered by WordPress